Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

A few weeks back, my son had an issue with a History class at his high school and sought help from his teacher. The teacher informed him that she was not able to help him but suggested that he speak with his 10th grade counselor. My son immediately went to speak with his counselor in an effort to get the issue resolved quickly. The counselor was rude and instructed my son that she had other pressing matters that needed handling and slammed the door in his face. My son returned to his teacher frustrated and upset by what had just taken place with his 10th grade counselor.

The next day, the teacher made a special trip to speak with the counselor on behalf of my son. She wanted to see if she could resolve this issue without involving me or my husband. The counselor was extremely harsh with her and stated that the teacher needed to stay in her classroom not the counselor's office. After several attempts to speak with the counselor, my husband received a frantic phone call from the teacher stating that she need to see both of us immediately. We rushed from our jobs with fear of hearing something awful had happened to our child. We entered the room nervously and tried to prepare ourselves for the horrible news. The teacher was extremely upset so we had to calm her before we could learn more about the issue. The main issue was that he was struggling in his advance placed history course and sought help from tutoring but then decided to step down to accelerated history.

I decided to sit down with the counselor to see what needed to be done. I received the same treatment which caused me to become more verbal with her. I told the counselor exactly how I felt about her treatment of my child. The sitaution escalated to the point that I had to walk away without accomplishing anything. My husband later went back to meet with the assistant  principal and the head principal.

The agreement that they reached included:

• The principals needed one more student to complete an accelerated course
• My son wanted to transfer to an accelerated history course but nothing lower than this course
• We wanted to make sure that the transition is smooth and that the counselor would not give our son any trouble with making changes to style

The compromise that they reached benefited both parties because my son is excelling and comfortable in his new course. The principals were able to have the course by allowing my son to transfer into the classroom. The method that they used included the 3 R's where they were respectful, reciprocal and responsive to each other. I believe that if I would have used the 3 R's with the counselor that I might have been able to resolve the situation but I'm grateful to my supportive husband for stepping in at the right time.

I would like to ask my fellow classmates of EDU 165, how would you have handled the situation with the counselor? What approach do you believe would have been more effective and why?