Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

A few weeks back, my son had an issue with a History class at his high school and sought help from his teacher. The teacher informed him that she was not able to help him but suggested that he speak with his 10th grade counselor. My son immediately went to speak with his counselor in an effort to get the issue resolved quickly. The counselor was rude and instructed my son that she had other pressing matters that needed handling and slammed the door in his face. My son returned to his teacher frustrated and upset by what had just taken place with his 10th grade counselor.

The next day, the teacher made a special trip to speak with the counselor on behalf of my son. She wanted to see if she could resolve this issue without involving me or my husband. The counselor was extremely harsh with her and stated that the teacher needed to stay in her classroom not the counselor's office. After several attempts to speak with the counselor, my husband received a frantic phone call from the teacher stating that she need to see both of us immediately. We rushed from our jobs with fear of hearing something awful had happened to our child. We entered the room nervously and tried to prepare ourselves for the horrible news. The teacher was extremely upset so we had to calm her before we could learn more about the issue. The main issue was that he was struggling in his advance placed history course and sought help from tutoring but then decided to step down to accelerated history.

I decided to sit down with the counselor to see what needed to be done. I received the same treatment which caused me to become more verbal with her. I told the counselor exactly how I felt about her treatment of my child. The sitaution escalated to the point that I had to walk away without accomplishing anything. My husband later went back to meet with the assistant  principal and the head principal.

The agreement that they reached included:

• The principals needed one more student to complete an accelerated course
• My son wanted to transfer to an accelerated history course but nothing lower than this course
• We wanted to make sure that the transition is smooth and that the counselor would not give our son any trouble with making changes to style

The compromise that they reached benefited both parties because my son is excelling and comfortable in his new course. The principals were able to have the course by allowing my son to transfer into the classroom. The method that they used included the 3 R's where they were respectful, reciprocal and responsive to each other. I believe that if I would have used the 3 R's with the counselor that I might have been able to resolve the situation but I'm grateful to my supportive husband for stepping in at the right time.

I would like to ask my fellow classmates of EDU 165, how would you have handled the situation with the counselor? What approach do you believe would have been more effective and why?

Who Am I As A Communicator?

The tests were my favorite part of the overall assignment because it provided me with the opportunity to see how people would rate me as a communicator and listener that might not have otherwise been shared with me. In this blog, I will share my answers to the questions and what I learned about myself as a communicator with my family and friends.

1. What is the one thing that surprised you the most? Why?

 The results were interesting to me because I never considered myself and effective communicator but just a "people person" that likes to interact with others daily. The only surprising factor is that I learned the areas that I need to work on from the tests and how others felt I communicate with them. The feedback was helpful because I know how to communicate with my co-workers, family and friends.

2. What other insights about communication did you gain this week?

• The main insight that I should get to know a person prior to making a judgement on their character which is helpful personally and professionally. This is helpful because personally and professionally, I will work with people from various backgrounds that deserve fair treatment at all times and should not be treated differently because of any biases.
• Another insight that I gained this week is that communication requires practice just like everything else in life, in order to become better communicators: practice is a major requirement. I loved the activity because I was provided feedback from my friends and family which tells me my weak areas in an effort to strengthen me for my professional communication.

Communication With Others

1. Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

I do find myself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures in an effort not to offend others because I don't want to push my view points on others. I also communicate differently with others based on my relationship with that person, depending on if it is a family member, co-worker or family that I am serving.

2. If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

I am very friendly with everyone that I communicate with but my comfort level is better with my family than with the families that I serve. It is easier to talk with my family members because I can let my guard down but this is not the case with my co-workers or the families that I serve. I have a role to play in each of these areas and it is my responsibility to make sure that I do not slack in any of these areas. I like to present myself as approachable and helpful to my co-workers and the families I serve but I dont want to come across as being offensive or make anyone feel uncomfortable based on their race. I find myself avoiding subjects such as religion and child-rearing in an effort not to start a debate or step on the beliefs of others.

3. Based on what you have learned this week, share at least 3 strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

• Eliminate all biases about the subject or the culture that you are communicating with to help you communicate more effectively.
• Being willing and open to accept the opinions of others even if it comes in the form of criticism
• Ask questions and continue to seek answers for topics that you have limited experience in dealing with because it can help in your development of effective communication.

What is communication?

In EDU 6165, the topic this week was dealing with communication and the assignment called for a reflection on effective communicators that we would like to model. I believe that politicians are by far very interesting communicators and teach many techniques on effective communication skills needed by others. I decided on President Barrack Obama (during his quest for presidency) during his debate with McCain during the 3rd in an effort to display the effective communication of President Obama.
Below is a demonstration of President Obama's effective communication skills because despite Senator McCain interruption, he remained calm and still was able to get his point across on the issue.

• What behaviors does this person exhibit that make him or her effective?

             In my opinion, the behaviors that he exhibits that make him an effective communicator is his
             eye contact, clear speaking voice, calm demeanor (no matter the issue) and his willingness to
             negotiate and allow other to make their point before addressing the issue.

• Would you want to model some of your own communication behaviors after this person? Why or why not?

           I would love to be as effective as President Obama because working in the early childhood field,
          communication is the key ingredient to goal accomplishment. We need the necessary skills to
          effectively reach parents and others in order to get many unheard points across. I believe if we
          have effective communication skills then we can truly touch others and make them advocate for
         children and families as well.


References

Youtube Video (2008). Barrack leaves McCain dumbstruck. Retrieved September 7, 2011 from
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao5V66m5FaA.

Professional Hopes and Goals

One hope that you have when you think about working with children and families who come from diverse background.

My hope that I have for working with children and families is that they feel comfortable in my classroom setting and in our center. My hope is that more teachers enter the field with a genuine love for children and strive to find effective ways to teach children regardless of their background. 

One goal you like to set for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity and social justice.

The goal that I would like to set for the early childhood field is that all childhood professionals should undergo mandatory training in diversity and culture. I think that this training will provide a better understanding to diversity and culture that many people rarely think of in the field of early childhood especially since more people are migrating to the United States. I also believe that it will equip teachers with effective techniques to interact and develop healthy relationships with children and families.

Brief note of thanks to your colleagues.

Thank you to my fellow classmates for allowing me the opportunity to learn about each of you. I feel a closer bond with each of you for allowing me a glimpse into your world. Thank you for allowing me to share my opinions and introduce you to my family through discussion topics and blog assignments. I hope to read more from you in the next course and wish you well as you work toward completing your degree.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

I began an internship for my bachelors in Child and Family Studies in the summer of 2001 that were required me to attend a conference/convention in Alabama. I was extremely excited about the opportunity to network with others in this field and work towards building contacts for future employment. I shared the good news with my parents about the conference in Alabama but it was not met with the same excitement. My grandmother and mother began to worry, frantically trying to rearrange their schedules so that I would have a chaperon. I was 23 years old and did not need a chaperon but I still struggled to understand why my family was not as supportive about me attending this conference. One night while out to dinner, my grandmother discussed the subject of me traveling alone to Alabama and her discomforts with the journey. She provided horrific details of the racism that she encountered during her visits to the state on numerous occasions. I decided to attend this event anyway despite the warning.

I arrive in Alabama still excited but was suddenly overcome by a heavily feeling that I couldn't quit decide. I eventually settled on the fact that it was a little "homesickness" coupled with the fact of missing my sons. I stopped by a local gas station to purchase some snacks trying to shake off this sudden feeling of "blues." I entered the crowded store in the small town and was suddenly welcomed with stares and tension in the air. The clerks and the people were chattering loudly when I entered but the conversations ended quickly as I stepped inside the store. Usually I am comfortable in almost any environment that I enter but there was something strange about this place, making me want to run away and hide quickly. One of the clerks came from behind the counter and began to follow me as I searched for snacks on each isle and was not trying to be discreet with her efforts. The other patrons stood around and whispered among themselves. I remember leaving the store quickly without the snacks or even putting gas in my car. I called my mother and grandmother at the next stop and informed me that I was on my way home, never making it to the conference.

This incident caused me to feel unequal and powerless in this small community because I didn't know what to expect from the community. The inequity that I felt was stereotyping and unworthy to be in the presence of the others in the story. The clerk coming from behind the counter made me feel stereotyped like she was expecting me to steal or waiting for me to take something at anytime.

The feelings the incident brought up for me was a strange fear, sadness and bitterness. I was scared (feared for my life) because I was not sure of what to expect and this was not something that I would have expected in 2001. I was bitter because I didn't expect this behavior or even this type of mindset to be present during this time. I know that Alabama has a long history of racial struggles but I was thinking that in modern day that the mindset would have improved just a little.

In order for this incident to turn into an opportunity for greater equity, there would have to be two major changes: people and mentalities. First, the people would have to want to change and accept that what was once deemed acceptable or the way of the community will not work in the present. Second, the mentality would have to change through exposure and constant interactions with people from different backgrounds. I returned to Alabama on several occasions since this incident and in some parts of the state (small little communities) that racism or prejudice in some still occurs but for the most part the state is definitely striving to catch up with the times.

Perspectives on Diversity and Culture

Merriam-Webster (2011) defines culture as "the customary beliefs, social forms and materials traits of a racial, religion or social groups; also the characteristic features of everyday existence (as a diversion or a way of life shared by people." Merriam-Webster (2011) defines diversity as "the condition of having or being composed of differing elements. The inclusion of different types of people in a group or organization." In this assignment, I discussed culture and diversity with member of my family and my husband's family to gain a better understanding of how others define culture and diversity. The people that I chose were from various racial backgrounds, cultural backgrounds and age groups for a better understanding of how others view culture and diversity.

Their definition of culture.

1. People that come from a background that is not American. ~84 year old African-American Grandmother
2. People that have different values and different beliefs. ~49 year old Italian sister-in-law
3. People that belong in a certain group because of their appearance and language. ~24 year old Caucasian brother-in-law

Their definition of diversity.

1.  People that look different and talk different from you. ~84 year old African-American Grandmother
2.  People that believe different ideas and beliefs. ~49 year old Italian sister-in-law
3.  People from different backgrounds that come together and accept the differences. ~24 year old Caucasian brother-in-law

Which aspects of culture and diversity that I have studied in this course and included in the answers I received-what are some examples?

      This course has described culture as more than surface features like looks or traits mentioned by many of my family members above. Culture also includes religion, beliefs, values, language and how we function in society daily.

What aspects have been omitted-and by what are some examples of such omission?
     The aspects that were omitted from above were religion and daily existence in society. They touched on the surface objects like differences in appearances and languages.

In what ways has thinking about other people's definition of culture and diversity influenced my own thinking about these topics?
    I can relate to their definitions because prior to taking this course, I only considered culture as things that I could identify on the surface such as appearances and birth countries. This course has expanded my knowledge base that culture encompasses so much more including beliefs,  religion, values and life in general. It also is important to respect a person and accept differences in order to create a world that is comfortable and diverse for everyone.

References

Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online (2011). Retrieved on July 16, 2011 from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary